I grew up poor in a third world country. My parents had left seven of us siblings when I was around 5 and migrated to America to make a living. I’ve always felt neglected and always longed to be loved because I never really had a relationship with my parents growing up.

 

I came here at the age of 15. I lived in an environment where alcohol, gambling, and verbal abuse were the norm. A few years later, my parents abandoned all of us and left us to my uncle’s care.

 

Education was not a big priority in my family growing up. We were kind of conditioned to just go get a job to survive. I knew about God but I didn’t have a relationship with Him.

 

I met my wonderful husband when I was 16 and always thought of him to be God-sent. I always thought to myself how he didn’t deserve someone like me. I always admired what his life was like growing up, having loving supportive parents and a perfect family.

 

We got married after 8 years of dating and have two beautiful daughters. Unbeknownst to me, I carried my issues of insecurity and my brokenness through our marriage. When we had our children, I felt that my husband would only put his attention on them. And that he didn’t care for me. I started to feel jealous and neglected... and being overweight at the time, I also started feeling insecure, unhappy, depressed and empty.

 

I turned to things of this world to satisfy my desire to feel worthy, focused too much on my career, money and always trying to please people. I would conform to material things and even attention from others to make me feel worthy temporarily. But all those things proved empty.

 

I was sick and tired of life that depression and anxiety were getting worse. Not only was it affecting my health, but it was affecting my marriage and my relationship with my children.

 

My selfishness and wrong thinking drove our marriage downhill. We were constantly fighting in our marriage that I had asked him for a divorce and that I needed a break.

 

I remember, after a long day of work, I would just go straight to my room and dwell on my ugliness and continue to have a victim mentality that I started chatting with guy friends through social media, that led me into infidelity so that I can feel valued. Even justifying that it’s ok as I deserve to be happy. Locking myself in the room also affected my relationship with my daughters as I stopped talking to them. I prayed and asked the Lord to help me. I was tired of feeling hopeless. I even had moments where ending it all had crossed my mind.

 

During this time, I had no idea that God had been working behind the scenes. 

 

In 2014, a friend invited me to this women’s encounter in Frazier park mountain. I went to the encounter to really get away from the world, thinking that it was going to be a relaxing moment. Wow! it was more than that...

 

Low and behold, I personally encountered Jesus.

 

For the first time in my life, I felt His presence and strong impression about something He spoke to me about, different than what I expected to experience here. God had undone me. He wrecked me, and now I am forever changed.

 

God overwhelmed me with such a great love and mercy I never knew existed. I couldn’t fathom how much God loves me even in my darkness and that He never stopped pursuing me. He even removed all my shame. I started to love and see myself the way God loves me and sees me.

 

This verse spoke strongly to my heart. Psalm 139:14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made, your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

 

I found my worth, my true worth, not in what I can amass from this world, but in Jesus Christ himself. He is enough for me, and I in Him.

 

Now I see my husband through the eyes of Jesus. I love him more now than I ever have. I have an amazing relationship with my two beautiful daughters. God restored me piece by piece. I am forever and eternally grateful for what Jesus has done in me and my family through the power of the Holy Spirit. I know God is not done with me yet. I am still learning and maturing in Him.

 

I am healed, I am freed, I am loved, and I am forgiven. I have hope and I have discovered my true worth in the almighty Jesus. I learned how to surrender it all to Him. I can say, life with Jesus are the best days of my life and I am never looking back.

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Amazing grace! How sweet the sound, that saved a wretch, like me!

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I once was lost but now I'm found...now leading those who are lost to find hope in Jesus.